One of my greatest fears

Writers Bootcamp – Day 3 @Writersbootcmp

How can I choose one fear and make it my greatest fear? I’m terrified of many things from the small creatures like spiders and cockroaches to the largest, fear of height and enclosed small spaces to the worst one which in my case is death. I’m scared of dying. I’m scared of cancer. I’m scared of getting cancer and dying from it. I’m scared of crime; of being hijacked again, and more insane and violent crimes that we read about in the paper everyday.

From that list which could go on for a while longer, my greatest fear is loss and loneliness! Losing my sons and losing my bear (a.k.a. hubby). I am scared of being alone. I enjoy being alone actually, I love ME time, and I love that awkward silence, just plain silence. It’s great to have a day or more where I can stay home alone and just do my thing, and many times when that has happened not even the TV is on. It’s dead quiet at home and all I can hear are the normal neighborhood sounds…a car, a dog barking in the distance the birds…and that is perfect.

But what if that is all I had? My greatest fear is that I might lose my bear and be left here alone. I mean we fight so many times, and so many times I think I can silently smuggle him under the pillows but to be without him permanently!! I just can’t imagine my life, and my whole existence. It’s sad enough that every Sabbath I’m in church alone and he’s not there next to me.

How do you eat alone for the rest of your life?

How do you go to sleep alone for the rest of your life?

How do you carry on alone when your partner has been with you for so long and you feel like you are ONE.

I don’t like to think about that, it’s what nightmares of made of, this is my greatest fear.



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